If I could just get out of my my own way, I may get somewhere. But, that would also mean I need to remove my obstacles, my psychological obstacles. Ugh. Obstacles that I’ve created. Double ugh. I wish I could say that removing self-imposed obstacles can be done by squeezing our eyes shut as intensely as only a four year-old can, waving a magic wand, and…pouf ! we would open our eyes and immediately feel lighter, happier, and brighter.
But, removal of obstacles is a little bit like Butternut Squash Lasagne and “The Little Engine That Could.” The former takes time. Time to make and bake. The latter uses more mind power. Removal of obstacles takes both. It takes time and mind power. Well then, let’s get to it.
It is said that emotional wounds prevent us from manifesting our true happiness. If this is the case, it seems to me our wounds, wounds that we have not yet healed, may be co-owner of creating many of our obstacles. If psychological wounds lead to obstacles, then, by recognizing the wounds and obstacles are there, accepting them, and believing we won’t let them define us, we should find ourselves mentally healthier and happier.
Addressing both psychological elements of wounds and removal of obstacles are big concepts to handle in a small space. Maybe someday we can drill down deeper into it. But, I think simply developing an awareness of wounds and obstacles in our lives is quite helpful, quite healing in and of itself. As a good friend of Scott’s says, “Just showing up is 80% of the job.” The same rings true for beginning to identify these two elements in our lives. Because once we simply begin to notice them, I believe we’ve come a long way.
So, where do we start? How do we do this work?
A good place to start is by becoming mindful of obstacles we’ve put squarely in our paths of something we want to accomplish. Ask yourself, have I set a goal but find myself doing everything except those things that enable me to progress toward it? Or, do you want to accomplish something, but find yourself running around doing everything but that one thing you want done? If so, don’t judge it. Just be mindful of it. Realize that it is there. Recognize any wounds that may or may not accompany that particular obstacle. Ask yourself, do I have a wound associated with this obstacle that needs to be healed? Give yourself a few quiet moments and see where your attention is directed in your body. Just feel what comes up.
Here is an example from my life. I wanted to learn how to cook. But, I didn’t want to go through the process of making it happen. Why? Because I had obstacles I didn’t want to deal with. Exasperation and frustration were standing squarely in my way of achieving enjoyment being in the kitchen. They stood there appearing unmovable with their arms crossed.
I had an undercurrent of thoughts that started rolling as soon as I entered the kitchen. Yet, the thoughts happened so quickly that 1) they were barely perceptible, and 2) the exasperation and frustration were almost instantaneous when I began to make a meal. As Yongey Minygur Rinpoche, a renowned Tibetan Buddhist master, points out, it is very easy to not notice our thoughts. Early on in his undertaking of meditation practice, he describes his experience of noticing his thoughts as, “The chatter was going on alongside everything else I was thinking and feeling, though so faintly I hadn’t recognized it.”
We may feel the thoughts first because our central nervous system will react to them whether or not we realize what we’ve been thinking. That can also be a clue to our undercurrent of thoughts. We may feel something before we notice them.
Turns out, my frustration got its’ power from a bit of perfectionism I expected of myself, a perceived lack of time, and self-doubt at my skills in the kitchen. The CEO of Lululemon Athletica says when we set goals, we should expect to fail 50% of the time. Now, if a crisp or crumble I make has too much topping and not enough fruit as it did a few nights ago, I don’t blink an eye. I just think to myself, “Ok, I’ll do it differently next time. ”
A recipe for healing seems to be in order … this is how I think of it:
Step 1: Notice how you feel (recognition of wounds and obstacles.) Ask yourself if there may be one wound or obstacle you’d like healed or removed. Give yourself a few quiet moments to listen for a response.
Another clue in identifying obstacles is looking for areas in our lives where we make continual excuses about not doing something. Or, maybe we need to forgive ourselves for a past action to remove an obstacle. Pay attention to areas of your life where you simply have a feeling needs work.
Step 2: Be mindful of the response you receive in step#1, if there is one, and gentle with a feeling, if one comes up.
This exercise is not meant to be used to chastise ourselves. It is meant to treat your feelings with gentleness and respect. Accept and acknowledge the thought or feeling, if there is one. Whether negative or positive, give that thought or feeling a place at the table. It is a part of you. Don’t push it away. But, at some point, you may tell it it is no longer going to take a front seat anymore. It is time for another, healthier emotion to take the front seat.
Step 3: Excavate. Look into that emotion or thought. What is beneath it and in it? Tell it you are sorry for what happened (healing wounds.) But, things happen and you are ready to move on.
Step 4: Rest. Repeat.
Being mindful and developing awareness can be done while driving to school to pick up your child, or while unloading the dishwasher. They can be and are meant to be woven into our everyday lives. Oh…by the way, I don’t see any harm in squeezing our eyes shut and waving a magic wand when we feel like it. I, for one, have tried it and I am pretty sure a little fairy dust came my way.
For another recipe, how about trying a Butternut Squash Lasagne? The typical flavor profile of a lasagne is changed using the squash. It is slightly sweeter with a different texture. I added spinach because I love something green in almost any dish. The result is a healthy, not too involved, lasagne.
Years ago while making a butternut squash casserole, I found squash pairs well with nutmeg, sauteéd onion, and bread crumbs. Continuing that theme, I added those elements to this recipe.
Butternut Squash Lasagne
1/2 medium sweet onion, diced, sauteéd in olive oil, set aside
1 12 oz. frozen package of butternut squash package, thawed, set aside
1 12 oz. frozen package of chopped spinach, thawed, drained well of moisture, set aside
1 15 oz. whole milk or part-skim ricotta cheese
1/4 t. nutmeg
1/4 c. (scant) panko bread crumbs
handful of basil leaves, rinsed, chopped (optional)
freshly ground black pepper
1 32 oz. jar marinara sauce
9 no-bake lasagne noodles
1 c. or so shredded mozzarella
- Preheat the oven according to the pasta instructions.
- In a medium mixing bowl, combine the sauteéd onion through the basil. Add black pepper to taste.
- In a 10″ x 8 ” baking dish( if you do not have a 10″x8″, try a 9″x9″ baking dish), evenly layer 1/3 of the sauce, 3 pasta sheets, 1/3 of the squash filling. Repeat twice until the final dish has three layers of sauce, pasta and squash filling.
- Top the lasagne with cheese.
- Place baking dish on a baking sheet to avoid spillage in the oven. Tent with foil. Bake for 1 hour and ten minutes or until sauce is bubbling up around edges. Remove foil for the last ten minutes of baking time. Let lasagne rest for at least 15 minutes, preferably 30, before cutting. Serve warm.